As upstanding American citizens have known for years, time is an illusion created by the Flying Spaghetti Monster to keep our minds from getting tied in starchy, noodly knots. It’s not real. And yet, our insitutions, our government, even our children’s schools insist on perpetuating this heretical fallacy that time exists!

But even the so-called “experts” can’t agree on how to measure the passing of this fictional abstraction. Is it caused by the wiggling of some speck of fairy dust called an “atom”, or the revolution of the sun around the flat, solid Earth? They just can’t make up their minds. The Week has an interesting article about this controversy, which has divided the scientific community, threatening to bring down the very edifice of science itself. And not a moment too soon!

School boards across the nation should take note. Why, in this great democracy, do we still have a clock in every classroom? When will this madness stop?

(via BoingBoing.)